3 Keys to a Financially Successful Relationship — [Video 1 of 3]
Let's get into the three keys you need to make your romantic relationship a success when it comes to money.
Grab a paper and pen or paper and pencil because today's video (or if you're reading, today's blog post) is going to be a little bit more interactive.
I'm going to be going through some different criteria of financially healthy couples. What I want you to do is give yourself a score, and we'll be using the scores at the end of this post/video AND at the end of this 3-part series.
Today is video one of three, and I'll break down each three keys of a successful financial relationship. The three keys to becoming successful in your relationship with money and in your romantic relationship are to: Assess, Alleviate, and Amplify your relationship.
Today, we're going to focus on key number one, which is Assess. There are three principles under each key, and under this assessment umbrella, I'm going to have you give yourself a score. The scale is going to be on a scale of 1 to 10. A score of 1 means you are not doing the things that a healthy couple does, and a score of 10 means you are knocking it out of the park. You'll use that score to take steps towards becoming a financially healthy powerhouse couple.
One: Learn your money story
Learning your money story. Your money story is anything you have internalized that impact your beliefs about money. These are the things that sound like, "It's not possible to be rich and to be a good person." Or, "To be a good person, you shouldn't care about money." Those are the types of things that show up in a money story. If you are a financially healthy couple, you know your money story inside and out. You know some of your first money memories. You remember your first job and what it felt like to get that first paycheck.
SCORING: Give yourself a 1 if you don't know what your money story is, you don't have the language you need to describe your money story to somebody. Give yourself a 10 if you know inside and out your money story, where your money beliefs came from, and you can articulate it to your partner. Jot down that score now.
Two: Practice Compassion
Practice Compassion. Couples who aren't practicing compassion speak to their partner in a blameful or shameful way. When you are practicing compassion financially in your relationship, you are saying things like, "I can imagine how that must have felt growing up and hearing that messaging," or, "I can see why you would be doing [X[ behavior based upon your money story." Compassion can go both ways. It can go towards projecting things onto your partner, but it also can be that you are compassionate or not being compassionate towards yourself. If you're beating yourself up for not being good with your money, you're not very compassionate towards yourself. If after you make a money mistake or a money hiccup you tell yourself, "Hey, I'm human, I've learned from that, and I will practice XYZ moving forward," then you are practicing being compassionate.
SCORING: Give yourself a 1 if you're not practicing compassion towards yourself, with your money story or with your money behaviors or you're not practicing compassion towards your partner. Give yourself a 10 if you're compassionate and kind towards yourself and towards your partner for your money stories and money behavior.
Three: Practicing sitting with discomfort
Practicing sitting with discomfort. This is hard to do for most people, but particularly in North America, where we are fed a message that you have to be happy and excited and joyful all the time or something is wrong with you. First of all, that's not true. We are human. We have a range of emotions, but this messaging sets us up to feel uncomfortable with any feeling that falls below a neutral baseline. Emotions that fall below a benchmark of "neutrality," things like sadness, discomfort, shame, etc. feel uncomfortable, and we try to avoid it. In this principle of sitting with discomfort, you are practicing sitting with anything below that neutral baseline of your emotions. This is important because it helps to show you that you can tolerate uncomfortable things. You can tolerate hard things, and it helps to build resiliency.
SCORING: Give yourself a 1 if you're not doing this for yourself or for your partner. Give yourself a 10 if being you're pretty kind and compassionate towards yourself or your partner when you're uncomfortable.
Total up Your Score
Add up your scores! How'd you do? The higher the score, the more likely it is you're in a good position to be in a financially healthy relationship with your partner. The lower the score, the more likely it is that you might need a little bit of help, and that's okay. If you scored anything below a 24, I have my free handout on how to start the money talk with your partner; In it, I give you five different ways to kind of start inching towards having that conversation with your partner. If you scored above a 24, pat yourself on the back because this is hard work!
Still Need More Help?
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