What To Do When You Feel Hopeless
A Guide for Politics & Community, Financial Wellness, and Self-Care
If you are feeling suicidal in the United States, please call 911 or 1-800-487-4889
Ah, 2021. 2022. We are enduring a global pandemic, white supremacy is running rampant, there’s climate change, conspiracy theories, and a coup attempt, and now the draconian movement toward regulating bodies with uterus’, too. In the United States, how can you NOT feel hopeless? As a therapist, this has been the year of hearing things like, "I feel like there's nothing I can do," "I feel numb," and "I feel hopeless."
On January 8th, 2021 I wrote this:
"Joy is resistance
Thriving is resistance
Rest is resistance
Resilience is resistance
And financial wellness is resistance."
Many of us cannot march in the streets for a variety of reasons. Many of us have physical limitations that prevent us from marching. Many of us experience sensory overwhelm or anxiety that prevents us from marching. Many of us are visibly Black, Indigenous, Asian, Brown, Queer, Trans, Jewish, or Muslim which increases our visibility as targets for hate crimes.
So how do you move from hopelessness to resistance? Knowing where you feel most physically, mentally, and emotionally able to choose a path forward and do so with gusto. I’ve broken these into three different domains: political and community, financial, and self-care. The below list is not exhaustive, though it's certainly a great jumping-off point to feel like you are "doing something." I recommend choosing 1-3 bullet points and going all-in on them, whatever that looks like for you.
1: Political and Community Action
Vote
In the last presidential election, 66% of registered voters cast their ballots. However, only 2/3 of the eligible adult population voted. The takeaway? If a person is registered to vote, they are more likely to vote. This is why voter registration efforts are so important.
Repurpose Your Skills
We can all contribute to our community's well being in a variety of ways. You don't have to run for office to make a difference. In Concord, NH, a talented seamstress (and, full disclosure, my aunt) used her skills to start sewing face masks and giving them to community members for free. Twice a week at the start of the pandemic, she'd leave them (washed and bagged) outside of her home. Are you a talented cook, delivery driver, or home organizer? All of these skills can be used for the improvement of your community.
Run For Office
Only 2% of American Citizens run for any form of office, and of those who run are overwhelmingly white males with college degrees. If you fall outside of that demographic, your viewpoint, experience, and leadership in the political arena are desperately needed. Consider running for city council or your local school board.
Talk To Someone Across The Aisle
In times of crisis, we actually come together (think: rescue efforts during Hurricane Harvey or 9/11 unity). The problem is that most of us view folks on the other side of the aisle with disdain and use words to describe our political opponents like "deplorable, idiots, enemies," and so-on. I don't know about you, but I'm not likely to sit down and have a chat with someone who thinks I'm a sheep or a deplorable idiot. Organizations like Braver Angels help citizens equip themselves with non-violent conversations with family and community members to help depolarize political talks. This helps move words in these conversations toward something like, "even if we disagree, they have something meaningful to contribute." Regardless of what your political beliefs are, it feels terrifying to reach across the aisle, as though you are abandoning your beliefs and values when, in fact, you are dialing down the temperature and allowing more progress to happen. I’ll note that this isn’t always possible, and sometimes you do have to protect your peace, especially if you hold marginalized identities.
Help Slow Climate Change
There are so many ways to reduce your carbon footprint, from eating less meat and actually eating the food you buy, composting, recycling, replacing inefficient lightbulbs, combining your driving trips when you run errands, and shopping locally when possible. If you are hooked on Amazon shopping, combine your shipments and choose the slower route instead of prime to reduce your carbon footprint. I'll let the experts take this one.
2: Financial Ways To Not Feel Hopeless
Personal Finances
Taking care of your personal finances is a radical act of self-care. While personal finances can seem like a large undertaking, I typically separate personal finance into three categories: monthly numbers (aka a budget or spending plan), short-term savings (emergency fund/saving for a vacation), and future planning (retirement, debt payoff, saving for college). I have a more in-depth post you can check out here all about the three tiers of financial wellness.
Financial Therapy
Financial therapy exists at the intersection of psychology and financial education and helps people think, feel, and behave in a comfortable and confident way with their money. Search for a financial therapist or financial social worker in your area to help you untangle your beliefs about money.
Financial Education
Familiarize yourself with the ins and outs of money via financial literacy. The more you can intentionally understand what's happening in your personal finances and in the larger economic context, the more you can practice conscious capitalism. If you have a good handle on money and you feel equipped to help others, check out various organizations that help children and young adults increase their financial literacy.
Donate
When you have a spending plan that works for you, you can plan to donate financially to causes that matter to you. I'm a fan of donating money both hyper-locally and to large organizations. In my business, I make regular charitable contributions to organizations in each of these categories. Choose a cause you are passionate about (for me, it's social-justice minded financial wellbeing and sustainability) and find organizations in your community and nationally who are doing that work. Organizations can do more when they can reliably count on donations, so consider donating a small amount monthly rather than a lump sum once a year if you are able.
3: Self-Care as An Act of Hope
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Audre Lorde
Therapy
Long gone are the days where therapy means laying on a couch while a pipe-smoking, elbow-patch-wearing dude asked, "and how does that make you feel?" Today, psychotherapy is individualized to help the person with their specific stressors. Therapy specialties range from art therapy for folks who struggle to put into words what they are experiencing, to financial therapy that helps people healthily engage with their money, to sex therapy that helps people include please and intimacy in their lives. If you are ready to start therapy, search for someone who demonstrates they can help people like you. Besides asking family and friends for therapy recommendations, check out therapist directories tailored for specific populations like Asian Mental Health Directory, Therapy for Black Girls, Therapy Den, or Inclusive Therapists.
Movement
Exercise is not about "toning up" or "losing weight." It's about the mental and physical importance of moving your body to increase your overall wellbeing. Stretching in-between hours hunched over a laptop, going for a casual walk or bike ride, or a classic sweat session are all great options for movement.
Rest
Rest is as much about work-life separation as it is about getting good quality sleep and engaging in naps. Sleep restores your brain and body in ways that stretching and yoga simply cannot touch (not that I'm against either, I loooove me a good stretch). Rest, yes, that means relaxing without sleeping, and releases hormones that make you feel good like oxytocin, serotonin, and prolactin. Hugging a loved one can release the above feel-good hormones. Struggle to rest or are away from loved ones? Good news! If you are a pet owner, snuggling with your cat, dog, or chinchilla for 15 minutes can mirror rest.
Gratitude
Gratitude is a simple act of giving thanks. Research shows practicing gratitude can help people feel connected to something larger than themselves. You can practice gratitude in many ways. I'm a fan of jotting down three things you are thankful for in the morning, but you can also write a thank-you note to someone or thank yourself at the end of a hard week for getting through it.
Nature
There is a strong correlation between time spent in nature and increased happiness and a decrease in stress. If you can find a way to sneak outside each day and find a little bit of nature, it will serve you well. Live in a city where trees and greenery are sparse? No worries, there's research that listening to the sound of nature or taking a look at nature photos can mimic a similar effect.
Spirituality
However you define spirituality, there is good evidence that a regular practice of spirituality can help you tolerate stress and increase an overall sense of peace and belonging. It also promotes community, rituals, and guidelines to live by. Spirituality doesn't have to mean religion, though for many it does; it can simply be the practice of looking inward and looking at our connection with others.
Travel
Travel is good for your mental health as it ticks several boxes that we've covered in this list of things to do when you feel hopeless. Travel can help you move your body, force your brain to work in different ways as you problem-solve, see the way other cultures live, and can boost self-confidence. During quarantine times, simply taking a walk you haven't taken before, driving a new route to the grocery store, or ordering carryout from a new restaurant can mimic some of the benefits of travel. Other options are reading books set in different locations, streaming a foreign film, or cooking a meal from a country you’d like to visit.
How To Implement the Guide To Stop Feeling Hopeless
I recommend choosing one thing from each section--political and community, financial, and self-care--to focus on for two weeks. Notice how your thoughts and feelings are; maybe jot down a sentence or two at the end of each day.
Stream an online city council meeting (political and community), negotiate a raise at work (financial), and take a 20-30 minute nap every day (self-care)
Start and end your day by writing 3 things you are grateful for (self-care), volunteering at a local foundation (political and community), and starting contributing to a retirement plan (financial).
Make dinner for your neighbors and drop it off (political and community), start or restart therapy (self-care), track your spending for a month (financial)
Read a personal finance book (financial), help a family member register to vote (political and community), take your dog to the community dog park (self-care; political and community)
Start a compost pile (political and community), listen to a personal finance podcast (financial), and take a walk in nature (self-care)
When it comes to feeling hopeless or helpless, it can seem like the best thing to do is curl up and hide. However, taking action, even intentional slow action, can increase your overall sense of well-being and increase feelings of hopefulness. I hope this list helps you see that in life, you don't have to do it all--nor should you--but there are a variety of ways to incorporate well-being to increase your resistance.