04: Power Session with Shelby and Johnny: From Strict Goals to Flexibility
Today’s Mind Money Balance episode lets you listen to a real couples’ power session with me! Johnny is a member of the Air Force finishing up his Ph.D., and Shelby is a speech pathologist. Together, they have four children and in addition to being debt-free, they are working toward saving up a downpayment for a future home. Tune in to listen to my coaching session with them, and how they were able to see that strict financial goals aren’t always the best approach. Don’t have time to listen? Below is a breakdown of what we covered.
Johnny and Shelby are college sweethearts who are actively working on achieving the financial goal of purchasing a home. They had their goal set on buying a home in the fall, but Shelby had a surgery. They really wanted to adhere to this timeline, but as we spoke, they were able to see the importance of moving financial goals to accommodate the realities that life threw at them.
They had read several books and enrolled in a course to help them get debt-free. They’ve been debt-free for seven years and were finding themselves looking for something more than a monetary goal. They’d been sold on the idea that being debt-free would make them feel better, but it didn’t feel as free as they’d anticipated.
In this financial coaching session, they learned to tune into their values: emotional support, physical health, and having a space that is theirs, help to drive their goals rather than relying on strict goals that others in the personal finance community had drilled into their minds.
Shelby and Johnny found that participating in the Clarify for Couples workshop (now a self-paced course!) highlighting the importance of having fun with their money. The biggest takeaway was automating their savings so they first funded their downpayment savings account, rather than waiting until the end of the month and saving their leftovers.
Giving themselves compassion and grace was a big takeaway from today’s coaching session. They realized that Shelby’s health was more important than rigidly adhering to someone else’s guidelines.
I’m so grateful that this couple came on the show, shared their story, and am grateful for their service as a military family. Clarify for Couples is the workshop Johnny and Shelby mentioned at the top of this episode. If you want to go through this mini-course, you can! Check out the self-paced, three-module course right here.
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[00:00:00] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: So welcome to Johnny and Shelby. They are joining me today for our power session. Nice to have you guys here.
[00:00:08] Nice to be here. Thank you.
[00:00:09] Shelby: Thank you.
[00:00:10] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Absolutely. So let's get people a little bit more familiar with who you guys are. If you guys could just share with the listeners a little bit about your background, how long you've been together, what your money story is, and kinda catch us up to speed.
[00:00:26] Johnny: Okay. We have been married for 16 years. Met in college and I'm in the Air Force. I've been on active duty since college, so 14 years about. Our money background is, we've always, we've tried to work together. Sometimes it's worked better than other times, but especially lately in the last few years we've been really focusing on trying to have more of a conversation about money so that we're on the same page and working together to try to reach goals and such.
[00:00:59] Shelby: Yeah, and I'm Shelby. I'm a speech language pathologist. We have four kids, 10, 12, seven and three. Didn't do that in order. So I've been a stay-at-home mom since my second was born. So I was a stay-at-home mom for the last 10 years and we moved to Michigan for my husband to get his PhD. And while we were here, I also got, I got a kidney transplant a year and a half ago. So we've had a lot of, lot of life in the last few years happening and I just recently returned back to work in October and so this is our first time being a dual income family earner for the last 10 years.
[00:01:36] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah. So you guys have had quite the path to get where you are now. Tell me a little bit about how you guys got to where you are now with your money. When we were offline, before you guys shared with me some of the work you've done.
[00:01:50] Johnny: Right. About five years ago, we did the Dave Ramsey course of Financial Peace University.
[00:01:56] Before that, we had read his books and such and listened to podcasts and we decided that we wanted to be out of debt. We've been out of debt for seven years or so, and so been completely debt free for a while, but we felt like we had the motivation and got debt free, but it wasn't that big of a struggle for us.
[00:02:20] I mean, we made it happen and it worked, but it didn't really require excruciating amounts of efforts and so we still felt like we were a little bit sloppy at times with our budgeting, for example, especially with the budgeting, you know, that we weren't really staying on budget, but, oh, we have an emergency fund.
[00:02:39] It works out, you know? So there were a lot of times where we just sort of felt like, oh, we're not being as strict, but things are still working out. It's fine. So things like that. But we've been saving for retirement and. Lately, so in, in our entire marriage, we've always either rented or being in the Air Force, living on-base housing.
[00:02:59] So one of our goals right now that we're working on is trying to save up money so we can have a good down payment for a house for the next time we move in a few months.
[00:03:06] Shelby: Yeah and when we were very first married, especially, we've both been pretty frugal, like our entire lives. Johnny came from, like, he put himself all the way through college by himself without much help from his family.
[00:03:20] Like financial help, lots of emotional help. And then I had some help from my family. And then once we, once we got married, we were able to qualify for Pell Grants. But we've always just kind of like, not spent too much, but not really known what that meant. Just like, we'll, we'll just like not spend a lot, but not really have a, a target of what we were looking at.
[00:03:44] And so that's been something that we've been really working hard on to change over the past few years.
[00:03:48] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Okay. So lots of work on the paying down debt side, being debt free since 2013, which is incredible. Working really hard at being frugal and making sure you're saving and then what I'm hearing is just kind of checking back in with like, well, why?
[00:04:05] What's our why behind being so frugal and also, What is important to us? And so you guys attended my Clarify for Couples budgeting workshop where we spend a lot of time talking about values. How do you think that has helping you guys over the past month fold values into your why, when it comes to your money.
[00:04:26] Shelby: I think that for part of me, like Johnny and I both have like one of our values is that we really like having fun together.
[00:04:33] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Mm-hmm.
[00:04:34] Shelby: And so I think like really being intentional about the fun things that we want to do together. But I think that that one of the biggest things that we took away from your course was, it's so funny because we had taken, our retirement was always coming out automatically.
[00:04:50] And when we stopped, we, we were like doing Dave Ramsey's baby step 3B of stopping the retirement to be able to save up for the down payment. Well, we never put the down payment on an automatic basis like we had the retirement. So it was so easy to be like, oh, we have this extra money. Let's go put it here.
[00:05:08] Let's go here. And so going to your workshop, it just, it changed that we were like, That was such an easy fix. Like why didn't we just automatically put the savings in and lo and behold, our house down payment is starting to get saved for just cause it's automatic. It wasn't even that hard of a thing to do.
[00:05:24] Johnny: It's like before it would be like, oh, whatever money we have left over, we'll throw out the house down payment. But sometimes that was not very much.
[00:05:31] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah, yeah. And you guys are talking about something that is such a big struggle for so many people, and that's why I'm a huge fan of automating all of your savings.
[00:05:40] As much as physically possible because of exactly that, we're human. So if we see a couple extra hundred dollars show up in our bank account, it's really easy to spend money. Even for you guys who identify as even more of savers, you're still like, oh, got this extra little bit of money. We're going to do something with it.
[00:05:59] So now that you guys have that auto save, that sounds really good. So let's into what you guys want help with today. So me, what your struggles are or what you're looking for today so we can get into the coaching piece.
[00:06:12] Shelby: Yeah. For me, like I, we've been reading your awesome book, your Financial Anxiety Solution--
[00:06:18] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Oh, yay. I'm so glad.
[00:06:20] Shelby: --And so we were talking about like just some of our childhood things, like some of our money, things that we brought into our marriage, and one of the things that I had coming into it was, I just remember. Like going clothes shopping with my mom especially.
[00:06:34] And she's so generous and loving and giving. And we would go shopping and it was just like, yeah, that looks good, that looks good, that looks good. And then we would get to the end and go check out. And it was just like this huge sum of money and I just felt so guilty for spending that amount of money cuz I knew like, She didn't know if we had enough money for that.
[00:06:55] She was just putting it on a credit card, and she's like, it's fine, don't worry about it. But I like couldn't stop worrying about it. And so that it just, I just always feel like, ooh, like am I spending too much like about like how to put those limits on things.
[00:07:09] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah, so as you were kind of reading through the Financial Anxiety Solution, what you're talking about are those four different money personas or four different money archetypes and how those are formed in our childhood.
[00:07:22] And so for you, this kind of peak of, oh my gosh, this is so fun and so exciting to go shopping. And then getting to the register and kinda having your heart drop into your stomach and all of a sudden having a lot of guilt. So tell me, what's the best guess as to why guilt was the feeling associated with that?
[00:07:44] Shelby: I think because I just knew that it was like excess. Mm-hmm. Like I didn't really need, I mean like maybe I needed some shirts like to, you know, some clothes cuz I'd outgrown some, but we had so much at home. There was never like, getting rid of things and like deciding ahead of time, like, Hey, we've got $50, let's go buy four new shirts with $50, or whatever.
[00:08:04] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:04] Shelby: And so it was always just like, whatever willy-nilly suits you, like just go do that. It just felt like so over the top and so, yeah. And so I, I, yeah. I've never thought about why it felt like that, but I think that's, I think that's mostly why it's just like that and it's just feeling like guilty knowing that it's that, like that money could have been going to something else or like just was, was this the best way to spend the money?
[00:08:30] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Hmm. And does that show up now? The guilt over spending money and double kind of checking after you've bought something, whether or not it was a good choice?
[00:08:38] Shelby: Yeah. I think that like I will make good choices with our money. But then I still feel like I'm the one that's spending all the money because my sweet husband is a very good saver. He's, but in that, it's like when we have four kids, like I have to buy them clothes, like I have to buy things for them and we need food, we need food and I'm like always the food budget, but I'm like, I cook from scratch and healthy food.
[00:09:05] And so like, I really like that, but I'm like, so anyway, but I still feel like, oh, I shouldn't spend that much on it. So I guess it's just like this scarcity thing.
[00:09:14] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:14] Shelby: That it's like that there's like, I'm just, I'm still spending too much and, and I feel like since I'm the primary one that spends the money in the house, like I feel like it's my fault and I feel guilty for that.
[00:09:25] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Okay. So let's just examine some of those thoughts with logic. Right. It's true that you're always going to need to feed yourselves and your children, right?
[00:09:35] Shelby: Yeah.
[00:09:36] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Right. And food costs money. Even if you're a farmer raising your own meat and produce. The reality is you have to pay for the land and the feed and all of that stuff, right? Food costs money. Okay. So that's 0.1. Okay. And how, what I find really interesting is you're like, I'm the one who's spending all the money. And you're not spending it on a shopping spree of clothes, you're spending it for household needs. Correct?
[00:10:04] Shelby: Yeah. I mean, and there will be other things too where I'm like, this is kinda a little bit like extra, but it's not, it's not crazy. And I'm like, and I asked Johnny and he's like, yeah, that's fine. He's in agreement too. It's not like he's like, no. I mean I think that there's sometimes when he thinks about it and then he thinks better of it, he's like, no, that was a good idea.
[00:10:23] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Ok, ok. So even he's reassuring you that everything's okay, it's just this lingering guilt.
[00:10:29] So what do you think we can do so that that guilt doesn't show up as much? So for some of my clients, it's reminding themselves of that in the moment. So when they're at the grocery store, checking out, reminding themselves like, this is food, I'm providing nourishment and health for my family. This is an important thing for me to buy.
[00:10:48] And for some people it's later on when they're unloading the groceries to remind themselves of something along those lines. When do you think feels like a good time for you to include something like that?
[00:10:57] Shelby: I think both times are fine and I do like find that I do that a little bit. I had a friend that I used to go grocery shopping with when we lived in Florida and she had six kids and I mean, it was just astronomical the amount of money that we would both spend at Sam's Club, but her especially, and she was just like, I'm just so grateful that my husband makes this amount of money so that we can be able to buy this food for our family and I think that I kind of judged that. Cause I was just like, yeah, but you could have done better.
[00:11:27] So I, I think that, that, yeah. So anyway, but I just, I looked at that and I was like, that's an option. Like, you can think that?
[00:11:35] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Right? Isn't that fascinating how those stories, they really show up and like, as I listen to you, I mean the, the listeners can't see, but your face is making it really clear that you understood that that was, like you weren't really wanting to judge your friend, it was just this subconscious thought that like popped up to the surface and you were like, whoa, where did that come from? Like obviously she's gotta feed a family of eight and yeah sure it's expensive, but feeding a family of eight is going to cost them money.
[00:12:05] Okay. So for you, tell me how the guilt showing up now for some of your bigger goals or lemme back up. Is the guilt for spending now showing up in any other goals that you guys are working toward?
[00:12:20] Shelby: I think it's mostly that. It's just like, I feel like we could save more if I wasn't spending money on different things.
[00:12:27] And it's not necessarily just groceries and like necessities too, but it's like, oh. You know, this is a good deal. This would be really fun to like do this thing with the kids. You know? So I think that it's just like, I feel like I know this about myself, that I'm a pretty like all or nothing person. Like I'm really working on it, but oh, we should be able to like all of our money into savings. And I'm like, oh, like I feel guilty that we don't put more into savings. Cause I'm like, if he was in charge of all the spending, we would be putting more into savings, I think. But I dunno, that's also something I should probably question. He does come home from the grocery store sometimes, and I'm like, where would you go?
[00:13:07] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: So, so let's just play around with this idea. I should be saving all my money using logic. How realistic is that?
[00:13:15] Johnny: Not really.
[00:13:15] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah. No, no, no. It's not realistic. And one of the first things you guys said was our shared value is fun. And yes, you can do things that are fun, that don't cost a lot of money, and sometimes spending some money.
[00:13:31] I mean, you just mentioned Shelby, sometimes I wanna buy something that is fun for the family, and it's like those are the memories that your children are also going to hold onto. And since most of your kiddos are on the younger end of things, they're gonna soak up the way that you interact with money now and to help teach them that money can be fun.
[00:13:52] And it doesn't all have to be about saving 10 or 20 cents here and there. Like there can be some joy in spending money in exchange for something that might be a fun experience.
[00:14:03] Shelby: Absolutely.
[00:14:03] Johnny: Very true.
[00:14:04] Shelby: Yeah. Something that has helped too, since your course as well, is that we now do Friday lunch dates.
[00:14:14] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yay!
[00:14:16] Johnny: And the main thing that we want to make sure that we do at our Friday lunch dates is, talk about, update our budget, talk about, just touch base on how we're doing with our spending and financial goals and such.
[00:14:29] Shelby: And so that's been really helpful because there's only so much that we can predict. And I think that's part of it, is that I'm just like, I think we'll only spend like this much on household stuff. And then, no, that's not how much we spend. But then we're able to talk together and be like, Nope, that's how we wanted to spend our money. Where are we gonna switch things around? Because I just felt like, oh, you gotta like, set it in stone at the beginning of the month and,
[00:14:55] Johnny: and you don't get it. You failed.
[00:14:57] Shelby: Yeah.
[00:14:59] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Right? Yes. And that is so much of the language in a lot of the personal finance spaces. If you mess up once you're doomed or if you overspend on the third of the month, that whole month is ruined. And obviously you guys know now that I don't subscribe to that mentality because it sets couples up to fail and to feel guilty and to feel ashamed, which like already is so tied up in money.
[00:15:21] So I love that you guys are able to see some flexibility in your money and have that be. You know, show up for you. That's great. Yeah, absolutely. So, Johnny, tell me a little bit about what you're looking for. What kind of things have been coming up for you?
[00:15:36] Johnny: So, like Shelby talked about her background and childhood and things, when she was asking me about, you know, some of my memories that I might have had from my youth, the things that I thought about were times when, when we would need shoes or something, for example, like I had these shoes that I liked.
[00:15:55] But I wore them all the time and I was, you know, only nine years old or whatever. So they got worn out and they had these holes in 'em. They were just like cloth shoes, you know, and they had these holes in 'em. And I remember like other kids that were friends of mine at school being like, you got all these holes in your shoes, you know, why don't you tell your parents you need, you know, to go get you some new ones.
[00:16:14] What's the, what's wrong? And I don't know, I just always had like a, the feeling that we didn't have a lot of money or, you know, that it was, I didn't want to create a, a burden on my parents of like, oh, I need new shoes, and like, bring up this, you know, these feelings of, you know, I didn't want to cause a big fuss over me.
[00:16:34] You know, I still feel that now in, in my adulthood, that I am like, don't cause a fuss over me. I don't wanna, like, if we have money or it's really hard, and Shelby, we will attest to this. It's hard for me to feel like I should go get something for myself.
[00:16:52] Shelby: He will come up to me and be like, my jeans have holes in them. Yeah, you're 38. It's totally cool if you can go to the store and get you some jeans. And it took him three months to go buy himself some jeans. He's getting a PhD. He's really busy right now. But that aside.
[00:17:10] Johnny: Yeah, I mean, or even like, I don't know, like I get birthday money or something like that and I'm like it just sits there.
[00:17:17] It is like this gift card that I got, you know, and I just, it just sits there for, for a long time and I, I'm like, oh, I don't really know what I would want to spend that money on. I don't really wanna spend money on myself. And, and so I would try to come up with something of being like, oh, I'll just add it to the Amazon thing and it'll get used for something else.
[00:17:38] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Oh, okay. So we've got two people who don't like to spend money, but they come from different places. So for Johnny, it's this feeling of like, I don't wanna be the center of a ta of attention. I don't want people to make a fuss over me. I don't want the spotlight on me. And for Shelby, it's more of guilt of we have things that work at home.
[00:17:57] Is this a wise choice? So they're a little bit different, but the outcome is the same, which is not spending money or being worried about spending money. So, Johnny, let's back up a little bit to your childhood. That example that you provided with the holes in the shoes is really powerful. Is it true that your family wasn't able to afford new shoes?
[00:18:17] Johnny: No. Okay.
[00:18:19] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: So where do you think that came from? Well, but I do remember we would go shoes shopping. My parents would say something like, we have $30 to get your new pair of shoes. I mean, this was a long time ago. So you could get a reasonable pair of shoes for 30 bucks. And they'd be like, if you want more expensive pair of shoes, then you'll need to pay the extra money.
[00:18:40] Mm-hmm. So things like that, you know, where. It's like we did have money for shoes, but I mean, I came, there were seven kids in my family, so it cost a lot to even just feed us too, you know, so it it things just, you know, it cost a lot of money when you had seven kids around.
[00:18:54] Shelby: And he was number six. So, he was kind of over it by the time he came around.
[00:19:01] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: I love this. So I'm one of five girls and then my mom remarried and now there's eight girls. So I'm, I'm used to the, these big families. So when you guys are throwing out these numbers, I'm like, oh yeah, I feel that. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so for you it was that there was money, but there was an allotted amount of money available for different things, and so you really had it drilled into your head.
[00:19:26] I can buy my pair of shoes for $29.99, but if I want the pair that's 40 bucks, that means I'm pointing up 10 of my own dollars.
[00:19:35] Johnny: Right.
[00:19:35] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah. Ok. Okay, so let's talk about the big goal that you guys are working toward and how we can maybe look at what's going on in terms of the mindset and the emotions to make sure that you guys achieve that goal in a way that doesn't feel shameful or restrictive.
[00:19:51] Johnny: Okay.
[00:19:52] Shelby: Love it.
[00:19:53] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: All right, great. So tell me what you guys are working on.
[00:19:57] Johnny: The big thing that we're working on is trying to save up money for a down payment for a house--
[00:20:03] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Okay.
[00:20:04] Johnny: --And it's something that we even, we stopped contributing money to our IRAs because --
[00:20:11] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Right.
[00:20:11] Johnny: --We were thinking, let's, you know, we're really gonna focus on saving money for a down payment, so let's, let's push pause on retirement. And put all that money that we would be saving for retirement to saving for our down payment for our house. And that's worked with varying degrees.
[00:20:30] Shelby: Yeah, a a big part of it too, I will say, is that, as I've been going back to work, there's been a lot of trainings that I've wanted to do. There's been a lot of continuing education that I've needed for my upcoming business, and so I, for me, I feel like there's been a lot of business expenses that have gotten in the way of us saving for our house down payment.
[00:20:51] But we've both made this decision together and so right. Johnny's very supportive of that. But again, here comes the guilt that we spent money on me. So our goal is that by the time we move from here in August, it's February now, we wanna have saved up $20,000 at least. And then right now--
[00:21:14] Johnny: That was like additional of what we already have. Think we have 10,000 in the bank so far or something.
[00:21:18] Shelby: Yeah. So and then, yeah, that's our goals. And--
[00:21:22] Johnny: So we were looking at it and, and yeah, just as Shelby mentioned, there has been a lot of other things that we've been using that money for instead of saving specifically for the, for the down payment.
[00:21:33] And some of it has been health, such, health stuff too. Shelby, she mentioned she got a kidney transplant a year and a half ago, but before the transplant, we were really trying, she was. Trying as much as she could to make herself as healthy as she could be while still in with this chronic kidney disease.
[00:21:54] And so that involved additional, the doctors seeing specialists that were not covered by insurance and things like that. So, but we made the choice, Hey, we want to have a healthy mom in her house. We want to have, you know, I want her to feel as, as best that as she can. So, we made the decision, Hey, let's, this is worth it to spend this extra money on your health.
[00:22:20] So, and, and it was great. Mm-hmm. She, she felt really well. And she, and before having the transplant, you know, she made comments of, you know, I'm probably like the healthiest person getting a kidney transplant right now. And it was because, you know, we, she had focused. You know, she, and it was really a lot of hard work on her part as well of part of seeing the doctors and the extra treatment was her really having to adjust her diet to really cut down on in inflammation, inflammatory foods and things like that.
[00:22:53] So, and it was a lot of hard work for her to adjust how she was eating. But she worked and made it happen, and it was, it was really good. And so, so things like that where it's like we had, we've had a few sidetracks, we, we've had, we haven't been saving all that money for the house down payment like we were hoping we could do, but we've been using it intentionally on things that have been really beneficial either for Shelby's health, for our family's otherwise wellness or for her professional goals.
[00:23:25] And so it's really been a lot of investing. It's been a lot of investing in education for Shelby and knowing and learning how to, how to improve herself so that she can add that much more value in back into the workplace, which she's seeing a lot of opportunities to do that now as she's working more.
[00:23:45] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Okay. Wow. So there's been so many things that you guys have had to work on as a family to get where you are now. And Shelby, I'm just so glad that you are healthy, you know, that is huge. And I love what you guys said that, yeah, you're sidetracked, but this is so important is that. Your health should be prioritized over so many other things.
[00:24:05] Like you said, we really valued having a healthy woman in our household, right? You wanted somebody who would be able to be there and what a beautiful gift that you guys had, the funds to be able to afford those additional specialists and to be in such good health when you had such a major surgery. So is there any guilt there, Shelby?
[00:24:27] Shelby: I was just gonna say, I'm like both the way that you reframed it and Johnny did. I'm just like, oh, I just feel like this, like I feel like a lighter person. I just feel like there's so much like relief cuz I'm like, I really do think that we could be in a much different place without having to, to put those, you know, put the dollars that direction, but--
[00:24:50] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Pause there for one second because I could feel the, the feelings, right? Yeah, yeah. Let's just flip it for one second, Shelby. If Johnny needed that treatment and care and needed to eat certain foods and vegetables, would you have batted an eye to put that money toward--
[00:25:07] Shelby: Not even for a minute. No. No.
[00:25:09] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: And he didn't either. Right?
[00:25:11] Shelby: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:25:12] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: So this was a huge necessity for the entire family's wellbeing, and I'm so thankful that you guys are, were able to do that. So if we can just say, you know what, we're thankful we had those funds. We're thankful we were able to invest in our family in that way.
[00:25:30] It wasn't necessarily, it seemed like a roadblock, but it really was just like a longer, roundabout way to get where you needed to go. You took the scenic group, let's like reframe it.
[00:25:40] Shelby: Oh yes.
[00:25:42] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah. So let's come back to the goal knowing that Okay, we, we had to pause on that one thing because we had much bigger things we had to focus our energy and money on.
[00:25:52] Okay, so let's, let's, we can kinda come back to the goal now.
[00:25:56] Shelby: Oh, I love that. Because I'm like, even just like thinking about it, just that different way and like, yes, we definitely want to save up for a house, but I'm like, you look at it and it's like, what? You talked about your values, and I'm like, which one do we value more?
[00:26:10] A place to live or a healthy mom? Well, we know which one we valued more. Yeah. And that's okay cuz I just thought there was something wrong with not valuing, like having this, you know, good, healthy house down payment that we had planned on when we moved here. Mm-hmm And so it's really interesting cause it, because then it makes it so that it's like, okay, we valued that thing and now it's okay if, if this, if, if you know mom's health is okay.
[00:26:39] It's okay to switch it and to start valuing this thing more and having this goal be so much more of a priority and a focus. Cause I feel like it was almost like there was a weight behind it because I just, cuz I felt like we should be so much further along than we are. Mm-hmm. And like looking at it this different way, I'm like, Nope. It really brings to a home that it's like, nope, this is exactly where we're supposed to be on this goal.
[00:27:03] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yes, yes. You guys are exactly where you're supposed to be. This particular goal.
[00:27:09] Johnny: Mm-hmm.
[00:27:10] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah.
[00:27:11] Shelby: Just different than I thought. But it doesn't make it wrong.
[00:27:15] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Right? Right. But even those, those mindset shifts and those reframes can make this particular financial goal a little bit more tolerable.
[00:27:24] If you have to, again, be flexible, and if that means you save 18 instead of 20. Or if that means you have the money ready to go in September or October instead of August. When we come back and we zoom out to the values of health and fun and having security in the household, that's gonna Trump having the down payment exactly on August 1st.
[00:27:46] Right. Every single time. And that it can really help you as you guys move towards the school. Mm-hmm.
[00:27:52] Mm-hmm.
[00:27:55] Johnny: Very true. And it's really encouraging way to. You know, a really good mindset to have as we move forward.
[00:28:02] Shelby: Yeah, because I feel like it has been keeping me from like that. I'm like, oh yeah, we're supposed to do this.
[00:28:08] And then it's like, oh, but we haven't, so then, then all the shame comes and I'm like, oh, nope. That was just the journey.
[00:28:15] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Right. Mm-hmm. And so what I'm hearing now is that maybe it's not about how do we increase that money? How do we increase that savings, but how can we look at this goal with a little bit more flexibility than maybe we had been looking at it?
[00:28:29] Shelby: Absolutely true. Yeah.
[00:28:31] How does that resonate for you guys?
[00:28:33] Johnny: It resonates well, and at the same time though, I, I am. Very, it, it resonates and it help, it helps me be more hopeful, you know? That we can make it work, that we can work together and overcome any obstacles that might pop up because of that flexibility that we have, you know?
[00:28:53] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah. Yeah. Great. Great. Well, I am so thankful that you guys were available today, and thank you for sharing everything with, you know, our listeners and being so vulnerable, and I so appreciate you guys jumping on here today. Any final words before we wrap it up?
[00:29:15] Shelby: I think the, the theme of today is flexibility. Like I just really like that, like when we're doing our budgeting throughout the week, like it's being flexible with that. When we're looking at our goals, it's being flexible, like having an end point that we know we wanna hit. But even if we're not gonna hit it how we think we are, I think that we'll still get there.
[00:29:39] And, and it is like just keeping up that flexibility and that self-compassion.
[00:29:44] Johnny: And having, you know, knowing what our values are really focusing together on as we're being flexible, remembering what our values are, remembering how we want to work together based on those values to achieve those goals.
[00:30:01] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: Yeah. Great. So flexibility in some goals and always coming back to the values that are important for you guys as a unit and thus your family. Great. Well, thank you. That was an awesome takeaway. You guys take good care.
[00:30:14] Johnny: Thank you.
[00:30:14] Shelby: Yeah, thank you.
[00:30:16] Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: I absolutely loved that episode with Shelby and Johnny. I found their session to be so illuminating about a lot of the things that I hear come up in the financial, in the personal finance space, right? So it's, there's so much pressure to meet these goals and to cut from your spending and to increase your income, which you know, in and of themselves are not a bad thing, but it forgets about that we're all humans and that life happens. And today's session was just such a good reminder that there's so much more to life than the black and white in dollars and in money.
[00:30:57] And I was so thankful that both Shelby and Johnny were willing to be vulnerable and open and, and to have that open and honest conversation. And I really hope that you were able to take away from that, that the purpose of having additional money and saving towards those goals should always come back to a value for you and for your partner, and I love that for Shelby and Johnny, it came back to fun and their family, and they were able to start working towards peace by moving around some of those deadlines that they had for getting their down payment.
[00:31:35] And if you're curious at all about what they were talking about at the beginning of today's session, they were talking about my clarify for couples budgeting workshop and they attended one live with me. And what I found was that so many people had wonderful feedback, but they also said, oh my gosh, I needed more time.
[00:31:53] So what you can do, if you're interested in doing your own Clarify for Couples, you can head to my website, www.mindmoneybalance.com/clarify and you will find the information there about how to do a workshop kind of at your own pace. So it's three different modules that will walk you from. Kind of where you guys are at in your relationship to different values that you guys have, and then it will transition you into how to get up a spending plan.
[00:32:26] And I prefer the word spending plan over budget or words I guess, but how to fully automate your spending plan so that you can save towards your goals and remove some of that decision fatigue from creating a budget. So if you're interested in that, again, it's at my website, www.mindmoneybalance.com/clarify.
[00:32:49] It is three different education modules that you can do at your own pace to get a better sense of why you are saving for your goals and why you are trimming your spending in a way that works for you. And you'll hear me reiterate a lot of the things that I shared with Shelby and Johnny in this episode, so make sure to head over there if that is something you're interested in.