Financial Self-Care for the Holidays
The end of the year is a time for family, friends, and festivity—but it can also be a season of overspending. On average, Americans spend close to a thousand dollars on holiday-related expenses. A 2022 LendingTree survey found that about 35% of Americans took on unexpected holiday debt; of that 35%, 60% said they never planned on that extra spending.
Here’s what makes it extra tricky: many of us show love through gift-giving, by traveling to be with loved ones, or by hosting that picture-perfect dinner. It’s a beautiful gesture, but let’s be real: we don’t want to wake up with a financial “hangover,” staring down credit card debt, feeling further from our other financial goals.
Fret not: this post isn’t about cutting out every dollar of joy. I want to help you approach the holidays with intention, spending on what matters most to you so that you can steer clear of holiday debt while staying aligned with your financial goals.
Understanding Holiday Overspending: External vs. Internal Pressures
Let’s talk about why it’s so easy to overspend during the holidays. I find it boils down to two types of pressure: external and internal. Some of us experience one or the other, and some lucky folks (sarcasm fully intended) get a double dose.
External pressure to overspend during the holidays comes from outside forces, like societal norms or peer expectations. This could look like feeling obligated to attend every holiday party or participate in for every gift exchange. Maybe a friend asks you to bring an extra dish to a gathering, or you feel you need to buy your nephew the season’s must-have gadget so he feels seen. The pressure to “do it all” during the holiday season can make us feel our worth or participation hinges on spending.
Then, there are the internal pressures to overspend—the ones that come from the stories we tell ourselves. Maybe we imagine the joy on a loved one’s face when they open the “perfect gift,” so we buy something a little over budget. Or, we start planning a holiday dinner and get fixated on creating the ultimate tablescape, complete with coordinated centerpieces and candles.
Here’s the thing: there’s nothing wrong with wanting to create a lovely experience, but it’s worth examining why we’re tempted to overspend.
The Emotional Cycle of Holiday Spending
Let’s dig deeper into the emotional cycle behind holiday overspending. Spending often becomes emotional as we tie purchases to feelings we want to create or share. Sometimes, it’s about relieving guilt—we feel we should get that extra gift or RSVP “yes” to the party we were invited to last minute. Other times, we’re trying to bring a specific reaction to life, like imagining how our family will feel when we walk through the door after a surprise cross-country visit.
Every purchase activates different hormones in our bodies that can boost our mood, at least temporarily. I’ve broken down a few of the common “feel-good” hormones that influence spending and ways to create similar feelings without the splurge:
Dopamine: The novelty hormone! It rewards us for new experiences, like getting the perfect gift or scoring a holiday deal.
Instead of spending: You can get a dopamine hit in other ways, like listening to a new music playlist, taking a scenic walk, or trying a new holiday cookie recipe.
Oxytocin: The connection hormone. Buying gifts or gathering with loved ones can give us that warm, bonded feeling.
Instead of spending: You can also get oxytocin without a shopping spree by cuddling a pet, engaging in deep conversation, or spending quality time with friends (and yes! FaceTime counts!).
Serotonin: The happy hormone. This one helps balance our moods and reduce anxiety. If you want to buy a gift “just because,” you might be craving a serotonin boost.
Instead of spending: Try expressing gratitude or doing a quick relaxation exercise to get your balance back.
Endorphins: The body’s natural painkillers. Endorphins create feelings of accomplishment and joy.
Instead of spending: A good laugh, some exercise, or even indulging in dark chocolate can give you that same boost.
Knowing these feel-good spending connections can help you pause before you buy.
Setting Boundaries Around Holiday Spending
Setting boundaries around holiday spending is so important. Boundaries are the limits you set on your energy, expectations, and finances that allow you to be the best version of yourself.
Here are some boundary-setting tips to help you practice financial self-care over the holidays.
Make a Holiday Budget: Start by setting an overall spending limit for the holidays, then break it down by category. How much do you want to spend on gifts, travel, food, and entertainment? If it feels tough to stick to a strict budget, remember that the goal isn’t to kill the fun—it’s to ensure you’re spending on what truly matters to you.
Create a Gift List: List each person you want to buy for, along with a realistic price range. It’s easy to get caught up in “just one more thing” when shopping, but a list helps keep that in check. It’s helpful to talk to friends or family about setting price limits for gifts or asking if gift-giving is even necessary.
Plan for Your Own “Feel-Good” Alternatives: If buying gifts for others is a major feel-good boost for you, think about non-purchase alternatives. Maybe you write heartfelt notes or give out vouchers for things like “cooking a meal together.”
Limit Impulse Buys: When shopping for others, try not to add too many “extras” for yourself. If you feel tempted to buy something for yourself on a whim, add it to a wish list. Waiting even a day or two can help you realize if you really want it, or if it’s just a passing craving.
Budget for Social Events: If you’re a social butterfly, consider how many holiday events you realistically want (or can afford) to attend. No one needs to attend every gathering, and there’s a good chance your friends or coworkers understand if you need to skip a few.
Embracing Self-Care and Practicing Gratitude
The holidays are packed with opportunities to connect, reflect, and relax. But the pressure to overspend can distract us from those simple pleasures. Taking moments of gratitude—whether it’s jotting down what you’re thankful for or sharing a happy memory with a friend—can help realign your focus.
Remember, you’re expected to face even more external and internal pressures to overspend during the holiday season. By setting boundaries and understanding your motivations, you can enjoy the holidays without feeling pressured to overspend. After all, financial self-care isn’t just about not spending; it’s about spending in ways that align with your values and goals.
This holiday season and beyond, put your financial and emotional well-being first. Taking the time to be intentional with your spending, understanding why you do what you do, and making some fun swaps to meet those needs can make a world of difference. Enjoy the season, make wonderful memories, and keep those financial boundaries in place.
Broadening the Impact of Financial Self-Care
If you've found these holiday self-care tips helpful, imagine the impact of a tailored workshop dedicated to financial self-care, where you and your colleagues can dive deeper into understanding and setting financial boundaries, creating a sustainable holiday spending plan, and building a foundation for financial wellness.
As a financial therapist, I’m passionate about guiding folks to create real change in their financial lives—whether it’s through workshops, corporate talks, or hands-on sessions. If you’re ready to bring these impactful tools to your workplace or conference, let’s connect!