Trust Yourself with Money: How to Build Self-Trust
You know how you get a song stuck in your head? I get lines stuck in my head. A line of dialogue from a movie, a cheerful response from a neighbor, or a sentence in a book I’m reading.
I recently finished Robin Sloan’s Sourdough novel, and whenever I think about self-trust or listening to my gut, this line pops up:
"I felt the disorientation of a generous offer that in no way lines up with anything you want to do: like a promotion to senior alligator wrestler, or an all-expenses-paid trip to Gary, Indiana."
That feeling of disorientation, this “ugh, I don’t wanna do it,” is what self-trust is all about.
When it comes to money, so many of us seek reassurance from others that we are doing the “right thing” that we forget that “right” is subjective. Is it right for me? For us? For now?
Everyone has an opinion, but ultimately, you need to feel comfortable with your choices. That’s why I wrote this post all about the importance of identifying symptoms of low trust, and practical and actionable tips to help you cultivate self-trust and make wiser financial choices. When it comes to self-trust and money, when we don't trust our inner selves and our wisest selves, we often wonder whether we're making the right decisions, whether we're making a mistake, and whether we can do things.
We often limit our own self-growth and self-development because we're so fearful of that inner voice, which does not lead us where we want to go. This can harm us in terms of our money. When we don't trust ourselves, we may make decisions that don't align with who we are or what matters to us.
Why Is Self-Trust Important?
Self-trust is about having confidence in your ability to make sound decisions aligned with your values and goals. It involves listening to your inner voice, acknowledging its wisdom, and having the courage to act upon it, even when it diverges from conventional wisdom. When you lack self-trust, listening to your inner wisdom and making financial choices that align with your values can be hard.
When we possess financial self-trust, we move confidently through life. Self-trust isn’t about arrogance or recklessness; it’s about discerning when to stay the course and when to ask for help.
Signs of Low Self-Trust in Finance
While financial self-trust sounds nice, many unknowingly engage in low-self-trust behaviors. When we have low self-trust, we may be more likely to experience shame, confusion, and embarrassment. When we layer those things with our finances, it often leads to a lot of anxiety and second-guessing.
Scan the list of signs of low self-trust below to see if any are true for you. This isn’t about judging yourself; this is about naming the low self-trust behaviors so you can take steps toward doing them less often.
5 common behaviors of low financial self-trust:
Reassurance Seeking: Reassurance seeking is a behavior that happens when we need additional outside reinforcement to clarify something we already know. In other words? It’s constantly seeking validation from external sources, whether financial experts or peers. The more we look for validation from others, the more likely we are to confuse other peoples’ choices with our own. For example, maybe you know you need to make a lateral career move to support your mental health, but you keep asking friends and family if it’s ok or if it will look bad on your resume.
Negative Self-Talk and Inability to Celebrate Wins: Engaging in self-deprecating dialogue or downplaying achievements undermines self-trust and perpetuates a cycle of doubt. An example could be achieving a savings goal but dismissing it as “not a big deal” or attributing it to luck rather than acknowledging personal effort.
Underestimating Financial Knowledge and Abilities: Like negative self-talk, dismissing one's financial knowledge can make it feel like you can’t trust yourself to try something new. For example, you might feel like you’re “behind” because you aren’t maxing out your retirement account, even though you worked hard to pay off your credit card debt.
Avoidance of Discomfort: Many people with low self-trust also underestimate their ability to tolerate discomfort. Instead of doing a task on the financial “to-do” list that might be hard, they avoid it so they don’t have to experience the discomfort of the task. But this often creates a vicious cycle: the longer you put off an uncomfortable money task, the bigger it becomes. This lack of self-trust could also manifest as avoiding negotiating a higher salary or confronting a partner about joint financial decisions for fear of discomfort or conflict.
Defaulting to Popularity: Ignoring personal values, lifestyle, and needs to defer to what’s popular in the cultural financial zeitgeist is another common sign of low self-trust. For example, maybe work is a big part of your socializing, enjoyment, and identity, but you feel pressure to FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) because that’s what other peers in your field are doing. Or, you like renting, but the loud voices in personal finance tell you that owning rental properties is the only surefire way to wealth, so you find yourself researching real estate.
How to Build Self-Trust with Your Money
You should work on strengthening your financial self-trust to find a balance in your relationship with money. When a person has strong self-trust, they strike the balance of being able to learn from their experiences, including their mistakes. They can also look at decisions they need to make with a neutral perspective and less spiraling. People with good self-trust capabilities are able to take accountability for their financial decisions and choices.
Now that we've identified the red flags of low self-trust let's explore actionable steps to strengthen your financial self-trust:
Financial Self-Trust Affirmations: Affirmations or mantras can feel cheesy, but it’s important to replace negative self-talk with neutral or positive self-talk as a way to build your self-trust. When you affirm your ability to make wise financial choices with a personal finance mantra, you can start being your own hype person. Need a few examples of money-related self-trust affirmations? Here are a few: "I trust myself to make decisions aligned with my financial goals and values," or "I am capable of managing my finances responsibly and effectively,” or “It’s safe for me to give to causes that matter.”
Set Time-Based Challenges: Imposing deadlines prompts decisive action and fosters clarity in decision-making. Challenge yourself to make choices within a specified timeframe, reinforcing trust in your intuition. For example, commit to selecting a retirement savings plan within a week to avoid prolonged indecision, or when your eyes start crossing from researching high-yield savings accounts, tell yourself to open one up by the end of the day. A little external pressure can help nudge you toward making a financial decision that works for you.
Celebrate Financial Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your money wins, no matter how small, to cultivate a positive mindset around money. Doing this can help you start “banking” a list of financial wins that can build your self-trust. Celebratory gestures can range from texting friends in a group chat that you paid off a credit card, or baking yourself an “I nailed that interview” cake.
Conduct Congruence Check-Ins: This is the opposite of defaulting to what’s popular. When you check whether your financial decisions align with your values and long-term goals, it helps you take meaningful actions that match up with your true desires For example, before upgrading your much loved (but also very rusted-out vehicle) reflect on whether it aligns with your values of sustainability and conscious consumption. Maybe you can buy a pre-owned vehicle, search for a plug-in hybrid, or even opt for a car share to better align with your values.
Know When it’s Time for Help. Having self-trust isn’t about doing it all yourself. When you trust yourself, you also trust yourself to ask for help in areas that aren’t your strong suit. Whether consulting a financial planner or seeking advice from friends, prioritize guidance that supports your autonomy and goals. For instance, if your goal is to work part-time by age 45, seek advice from professionals or communities with a similar understanding of FIRE rather than those advocating a traditional retirement timeline.
Flip a Coin: When torn between two choices, use a simple coin flip to gain clarity. Pay attention to your emotional response to the outcome, which often reveals your true preferences. How? Because if the coin lands on a choice you didn’t really want, that’s your inner wisdom telling you what choice you prefer.
The Power of Financial Self-Confidence
By implementing these practices, you can cultivate a deeper sense of self-trust in your financial endeavors. Trusting yourself doesn't mean navigating the journey alone (no bootstrapping here!) but instead recognizing your innate strengths and knowing when to seek support for matters that aren’t in your zone of expertise.
Building financial self-trust is a practice that requires patience, self-awareness, and a commitment to being able to be yourself, mistakes, and all. Self-trust is a resiliency practice that strengthens with time. Embrace the process, celebrate your progress, and trust that you have the wisdom to navigate your financial journey confidently.
Get Help With Financial Wellness
A part of self-trust is knowing when you need a little extra support. If your school or organization could benefit from a deep dive into financial self-trust, consider bringing in a professional specializing in money's emotional side. This step can help you gain valuable insights and tools to navigate your financial journey confidently and clearly. As a BIPOC female financial expert with a social work and mental health background, I've had the privilege of speaking to diverse organizations, schools, and companies about the importance of understanding their emotional relationship with money. I partner with mission-driven companies seeking to address the growing demand for financial wellness benefits among their employees, colleagues, and teams!
Take the first step towards a healthier financial future by inquiring about bringing in a financial therapist today.