Money Tips for Millennial Couples
With all the talk of the “singles tax” (which is very real, BTW), it can feel frustrating to have two incomes and still feel like you’re going in circles financially. When it comes to millennial couples, we’ve been subject to so many “once in a lifetime” events and came of age at the start of one of the biggest recessions in modern history. It makes sense that financial advice that worked for Boomers and Gen Xers just doesn’t work for us.
In this post, I’ll cover why money arguments are so damaging, some tips to help you and your partner get on the same page financially, and share a way for you and your honey to dive deeper into creating a deeply intimate financial relationship.
Money Arguments
Money fights between couples can escalate quickly and cut deeply. Money arguments are a different type of argument. Not only are they nasty, they are also a predictor of separation and divorce. A 2013 study of over 2,500 couples found that fights about money are one of the leading reasons cited for divorce. And when it comes to the bedroom? Money arguments have a way of impacting physical intimacy too. Another study found 47% of couples saying that money arguments negatively impacted their sex lives.
Ok, so why are these arguments so intense? Because money is an off-limits, or taboo, topic. When we are dealing with two people in an intimate relationship, each person brings their own money baggage–emotional, psychological, and tactical–with them. Without open, transparent, and vulnerable communication, money arguments have a way of getting out of hand.
Money Tips for Couples
Now that I’ve thoroughly freaked you out, allow me to soothe your anxieties about money arguments and share some of my favorite money tips for couples.
Cultivate Financial Intimacy
Financial Intimacy is created when people in a relationship are open and honest about their financial situation, beliefs and goals. Creating financial intimacy, just like other forms of intimacy, requires safety and trust between people. Getting financially naked can mean sharing about your financial situation. And all of it. Your debt, spending habits, assets, and what you earn. In turn, you need to know about your partner’s financial situation, too. Once you get through that, it’s time to talk about each of your financial beliefs. What do you believe you need to have in an emergency fund? What types of fun and leisure do you get excited about spending money on? Share and listen to your partner’s responses. Finally, what are your financial goals. When do you want to retire? Do you want to save money for your kids’ college education, or do you want to encourage them to find as many scholarships as possible? Engaging in these conversations helps deepen your relationship and create financial intimacy.
Practice Values-based Spending
Values-based spending is when you spend your discretionary income on things that matter most to you and your partner. Each person has ideas about what matters most to them, and when you’re in a relationship, it’s important to hear what your partner has to say, see where your values overlap, and check in to ensure your money goes where you want it to. Conversely, checking in on your values also helps you to dial back spending on areas that are out of alignment with your values.
Automate Your Money
I always tell my clients, “let the robots do their job!” What I mean by that is automate your money as much as possible. Put your bills on autopay, elect to have your retirement contributions increase automatically by 1% per year, and set up auto-transfer from your checking to savings accounts. Of course, for this type of automation to work (aka, to not overdraft from your checking account), you have to have a good handle on what you earn and what you spend each month. Having a weekly or monthly money date can help you ensure that you can safely automate your money.
Do a Psychology check
If you have trouble dialing down your shopping habits, it’s not about “willpower” or “discipline.” Research shows we shop for various reasons, from stress relief to boredom. And? Shopping literally feels good, with a dump of juicy brain chemicals like dopamine and endorphins hitting us after we swipe. I talk about healthier spending swaps you can make in this YouTube video. If you are more of a reader, Upgraded Points has a nice article all about the psychology of shopping, plus tips on how to practice mindful spending if you want more. At any rate, check in with what internal factors might be happening when you get the craving to spend money.
“As millennials, even though we’ve gone through a lot, we’ve also gained a tremendous amount of grit and resilience. If we can survive the intensity of life so far, we can certainly talk to our partner about money. ”
Financial Peace of Mind for Couples
To create financial peace of mind in a romantic relationship, you have to talk about money. Once you get in the habit of talking about money, creating aligned values-based goals, and ensuring your bills and investments are on autopilot, you’ll be amazed at how much peace of mind you’ll have around money in your relationship.
If creating financial peace of mind feels like a pipe dream, I’d love to teach you exactly how to do it in my self-paced course for couples. By the time you and your partner finish the course, you will . . .
Understand how your relationship with money impacts why you do what you do
Know that your bills are being paid in full and on time
Be auto-saving for short and mid-term goals (aka get those robots working!)
Experience financial peace of mind and feel "on track"
Be on the same financial page as your partner
Make sure to check out who is a good fit for the course below!
In a romantic relationship where most of your money is shared or you are willing to share a joint account
Willing to set aside the time to watch the modules
Able to commit to doing the work outside of sessions
Enjoying each other's company and your relationship is healthy and strong outside of the financial stress
Open to engaging with the non-numbers side of money: the emotional side of money
Earning $150k or more annually as a household
If that sounds like you, learn more about the course below!