How to Stop Comparing Yourself Financially (and why it matters)
What You Need to Know About Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparing money situations is common, but it rarely tells the whole story.
Financial comparison can fuel negative emotions and lead to unrealistic expectations.
Identify one financial habit or milestone you’ve achieved in the past year and celebrate it—without discounting your success.
"I’m So Behind"— Compared to Who?
One of the most common concerns I hear in my work as a financial therapist is: “Lindsay, I feel so behind.” And my response is always, “Compared to who?”
Look, it’d be easy to say, “don't compare your life to others,” (and it is probably crocheted on a pillow somewhere), but nuance is important here.
For most people, the comparison points are friends, people their age, or even their parents at the same stage in life. But financial comparison is tricky because, unless you have a full-access pass to someone’s banking, investing, debt, and credit details, you don’t actually know their financial situation.
Yet, when we see someone buy a new car, move into a bigger house, or go on an extravagant vacation, our brains fill in the gaps with assumptions. Usually, those assumptions sound like, “they must’ve been very financially disciplined, earned a good living, and saved for a long time to afford to buy/do that.” But we really don’t know. Maybe they saved for years, maybe it’s part of a compensation package, or maybe they took out a high-interest loan they’ll be paying off for years. The truth is, you don’t know. Using someone else’s financial choices as your measuring stick can lead to stress, shame, and impulsive decisions.
Why We Compare Our Lives to Others
Comparison is a natural cognitive process that helps us make decisions and find patterns. The social comparison theory posits that we try to mimic ourselves to others like us in similar situations. It’s also a way to feel connected to others. When we compare ourselves to others, we want to meet the social norms.
Let’s say two friends, Sam and Jordan, graduated college at the same time, got similar jobs, and live in the same city. Sam just bought their first condo, while Jordan is still renting. Jordan immediately starts questioning their financial choices.
"Did I do something wrong? Should I have been saving harder? Am I behind?"
But what Jordan doesn’t see is that Sam received a large inheritance that helped with the down payment. Meanwhile, Jordan has been prioritizing paying off student loans and building an emergency fund, which are also strong financial moves.
This is an example of social comparison theory—our tendency to evaluate ourselves based on those around us. But it’s not an apples-to-apples comparison. When we don’t have the full picture, we make assumptions that can lead to stress and unhelpful financial decisions.
The Negative Effects of Comparing Yourself to Others
But excessive comparison can lead to feeling inadequate. When it comes to financial comparison, it’s especially difficult because we rarely know a person’s whole financial picture.
The other problem with financial comparison is when we tie our self-worth to financial benchmarks.
If you’ve ever thought:
I’m only successful if I make more than my peers.
I’m failing because I don’t own a house yet.
I’ll only be financially secure when I have X amount saved.
Then you’ve experienced the downside of financial comparison. Money is easy to measure, so it’s tempting to equate larger numbers with greater success. But financial well-being is more than just numbers—it’s about security, values, and personal goals.
5 Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Financially
If you find yourself stuck in the financial comparison trap, here are some practical ways to shift your mindset and take control of your financial gratitude:
1. Track Your Progress (Against Yourself)
Your financial journey isn’t linear. Growth doesn’t look like a steady upward climb—it’s more like a dance of two steps forward, one step back. Instead of measuring your financial progress against someone else, zoom out and look at how far you have come over the last year, five years, or even a decade.
I often remind my financial therapy clients and financial wellness workshop participants of this when they feel discouraged. Think about your financial life five years ago—what has changed? Maybe you’ve increased your income, built an emergency fund, or paid down debt. Even small changes add up over time, and it’s important to recognize them.
2. Use Jealousy as a Guidepost
Many of us think of jealousy as a bad feeling we should avoid. But if we look at our jealousy with curiosity, it can become an insightful tool.
Ask yourself:
What specifically am I jealous of?
What do I think having that money, lifestyle, or security would change for me?
Are my financial goals truly aligned with what I value?
For example, maybe you realize you’re not actually envious of someone’s salary but of the flexibility it gives them. That insight helps you set financial goals based on your values, not someone else’s.
Another real-life example? A workshop participant shared that they felt intense jealousy every time a friend posted about international travel. When we dug deeper, the participant realized it wasn’t about the travel itself—it was about having the freedom to take time off without stressing about money. That shifted the participant’s focus from “I need to make more money” to “I need to build financial security that allows me to take breaks when I need them.”
3. Practice the "Serenity Mantra"
There is a well-known serenity prayer, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” We can use this as a guiding mantra by getting curious about our financial situation and comparison tendencies.
Ask yourself:
Can I actually change this financial situation? If yes, what’s stopping me?
Is this something out of my control? If so, can I practice releasing it?
If your coworker just got a big raise and you didn’t, can you ask for a raise, switch jobs, or level up your skills? If your sibling bought a house, but you’re in an expensive housing market, can you reframe homeownership as a long-term goal instead of an immediate benchmark? Practicing acceptance in areas beyond your control helps shift energy toward action where it matters.
4. Catch Yourself in the (Comparison) Act
When someone compliments your financial progress, do you immediately downplay it? If you’ve saved up an emergency fund or paid off a loan, do you tell yourself it’s “not that big of a deal” because it’s not the ultimate financial goal?
Try this: The next time someone acknowledges your progress, just say, “Thank you.” No disclaimers. No downplaying. Let yourself feel the win.
This also applies when you recognize your own progress. Instead of thinking, I only saved $1,000, and that’s not enough, try shifting to, I saved $1,000, and that’s a big step toward my financial security.
5. Curate Your Financial Influences
If the financial content you consume makes you feel ashamed, overwhelmed, or behind, it’s time for a digital detox. Do a quick check-in:
Podcasts: Does listening to this help me feel empowered or does it stress me out?
Social Media: Do I feel informed and inspired, or like I need to keep up?
Books & Newsletters: Are they guiding me in a way that aligns with my values?
If something is making you feel worse about yourself instead of better, it’s okay to unfollow, unsubscribe, or donate that book that’s been guilt-tripping you from your shelf.
Financial Gratitude Over Comparison
Your financial progress isn’t measured by someone else’s Instagram feed. It’s measured by the decisions you make to align your money with your values, to improve your security, and to create a life that feels good to you.
A great way to stay grounded in financial gratitude is to keep a “money wins” journal. Every time you take a positive financial step—big or small—write it down. Over time, you’ll have a personal record of how much progress you’ve made, helping you focus on your journey instead of someone else’s.
If you’re ready for more shame-free, realistic financial wellness tips, subscribe to my weekly newsletter here where I break down money and mental health in a way that actually makes sense. Subscribe here to start shifting your financial mindset today.